Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
