he wants to bone in the snuggie
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
