i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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