I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
