I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
