im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
