I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
