Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
