based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
