i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
