the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
