she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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