I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
