why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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