he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize