just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
