So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
