they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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