i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
