I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
