he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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