are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
