So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
