My nipple is on Facebook.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I still have a little drunk in my system
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
