We're facebook friends in real life
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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