He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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