I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
