Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we made out on top of his cat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
