turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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