He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize