So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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