Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
