the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
