my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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