shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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