I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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