the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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