Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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