I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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