Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
