And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
