idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
