I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
