my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
