Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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