Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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