she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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