I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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