In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize