I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
