And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
