I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
