I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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