ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize