it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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