So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
