I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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