I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
