3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your dad touched me again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
