Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
