I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
