well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
