Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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