He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
