I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize