Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize