he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
