just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
