You're my little dorito
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
