I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize