Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish i was in the wii world.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
