Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
as a side note pls kill me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
