I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
