Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
