This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
