he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
