Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
