Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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