I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
