I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
