he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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