A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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