Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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