i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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