The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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