What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
