my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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