If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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