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Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
