hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
